Within about thirty seconds of someone approaching the bar, you know something real about them. Not their job. Not their Instagram handle. Something more useful than either of those things.

Their order.

This is not a rigorous psychological study. It is, however, accurate.

The archetypes

The Classic Lager

Knows what they like. Has always known what they like. Will probably still know what they like in forty years. There is something genuinely admirable about this. In a world that insists on constant reinvention, the Classic Lager person has simply decided not to participate in that particular project. The round is easy to take. Nobody is waiting on a complicated order. Everyone is glad they came.

The Craft Convert

Discovered craft beer three to seven years ago and has been a different person since. Currently deliberating between the oat milk stout and the double-hopped session IPA with notes of pine and something that sounds like a hiking trip. Will describe the beer in detail before drinking it. Genuinely means well. Will eventually order the same thing again next time because it turns out they actually love that one.

Wine at the Pub

Knows the pub has wine. Knows it will be fine. Is here for the company, not the product, and is not going to be told what to drink in order to belong. Fair enough. The pub is supposed to be for everyone.

The Non-Alcoholic

Increasingly common, and good. The sober-curious movement, the Monday night gym commitment, the early start tomorrow — all valid. What's interesting is that this person is almost never the one who leaves early. They're often the last one standing. They remember everything. They drive everyone home. The pub doesn't need everyone to drink. It needs everyone to show up.

The Round Buyer

Arrived first, went to the bar immediately, and came back with drinks for people who hadn't sat down yet. Has done this every time, without fail, since approximately their mid-twenties. The group would not function without them. Everyone knows it. Nobody says it enough. If you are reading this and you recognise yourself here: you are the best part of every table you sit at.

The One Who's Just Having One

Famous last words. Always staying for three. Has been "just having one" for fifteen years. Shows no signs of changing. A reliable presence. A reassuring constant. The pub would be a worse place without them.

Your order is your pint of view. Own it.

★

The lager, the craft beer, the wine, the sparkling water. The round buyer and the one who's just having one. Same room. Same table. Nobody right. Nobody wrong.

Everyone has a pint of view. What's yours?